It’s a glorious spring morning. For once there’s no wind. I’m actually not away somewhere.
And it STILL takes every bit of willpower I have to pull on a jersey and go for a simple ride.
It’s been thus for a while. No interest. Zero drive. A lack of desire to overcome even the most elementary road block.
This morning feels like a win.
This time last year, I was racking up miles every week. I’ve ridden three times in two months this year. No Great Cycle Challenge. No City To Gong. No Tour Down Under in January.
And I’ve not been kind to myself either. Back on the junk food like a 5yo at a birthday party. Stretching? Walking? I won’t even walk the dog.
I’m busy with work, sure, but who isn’t? Work has been a battle of sorts, too – if you think you can avoid politics as a freelancer, think again.
It might be my increasingly solo lifestyle – as I get older, the less time I spend – and let’s be honest, want to spend – in the company of others.
And that’s down to the simple fact that I don’t feel particularly confident any more, and less inclined to want to wade through the mire of communicating with people I don’t exactly align with.
I feel old, overweight and… isolated? Less relevant? Not sure of my place in the world? Dunno.
It’s been quite the month wider family-wise too, so there is that, I guess.
I note that we are in November, a month that’s dedicated to raising awareness of mental health issues. I guess I’m writing this to take a step towards doing a bit better, and if you’re feeling the same way, a fist bump goes to you.
in the meantime, I’ll take five minutes here, then head back into a super hectic end to 2017.
My pledge to myself – don’t beat up on yourself, chuck out the M&Ms and stretch a bit.
Small goals… but they’re usually the best ones to start with.